A challenge or a way to open up?

I was scared, insecure and self conscious as always. As a person who has very low self esteem and is socially awkward, I knew what risk I was taking, but I wasn’t ready for it.  The stress of making a first impression was compounded by the humidity. The hot air was sticking on my skin and slightly burning it.

The heat was the issue in the dorm rooms as well. But sometimes issues like this can become the reason why humans create bonds. This is how the whole female population of the Greene Team squeezed into one room because it was comparably cooler than the rest. I met people of different backgrounds and none of us felt left out.

To be honest it was first time in my life seeing so many people being able to listen and respect each other. We were in this together and we already felt like family. Most of us couldn’t fall asleep because of the heat and people who knew each other for few hours were already morally supporting  and helping with advice.  

 The all nigher did, however, affect the way I was feeling during the morning. My eyes were pushing down and my whole body was begging me to sleep. But I pushed myself to stay awake and participate in class activities and listen to the lecture. We learned about photography basics that I have never heard of. It was a pretty important moment of my life.

Of course I was insecure because I didn’t have any experience with photography. The group photo shoot session made me forget about what a perfectionist person I am and how badly I love to punish my self if I don’t do something perfectly. I just enjoyed the process and sunny weather with my new friends. It made me much more free and much more open.

I have to admit that it is very hard for me to give up this terrible habit. Moments like this are very rare in my life so it makes this all the more special. The fact that I was more free than I am used to being didn’t make my pictures terrible. Some of them are pretty good and I am proud of myself because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I am so happy that I didn’t blame myself that I messed up one more time.

Up all night with the Greene Team. (Photo by Maya Ratner)

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